Dark Whispers - My mental health issues and treatment
It's been a while since I wrote about myself, my health, and everything. I didn't find anything important and informative to write about because my days seem always the same. There is nothing creative or interesting that is worthy of sharing. I have been writing travel posts lately because behind the curtain, a lot of things are ongoing and I thought it would be a good idea to write about memorable locations instead of sharing my same old mental health problem. I have been in intense therapies lately including EMDR. There was a time when I felt like my body and mind were completely crushed and shattered due to the pressure and stress. Also, I have been suffering some neurological and muscle stiffness issues which were causing an intense headache. My MRI report was okay and there was nothing wrong with the brain so the headache was caused by muscle stiffness and migraine.
Spring arrived already but I was not able to travel or visit anywhere far due to appointments and health problems. Besides, last year I traveled a lot so I am taking time to regain my energy and to become healthy so that I can travel again maybe this summer.
Even though I have been going through a lot mentally, I didn't lose my hope and faith in getting better and the recovery process. Sometimes I feel bad seeing others working and having a regular life where I deal with daily chores and my appointments. But inside my mind, I always tell myself that it might not be a good time now but soon I will see bright days. Repeating and reminding myself of positive words feels so difficult, sometimes I can't accept those words but it helps. And that's why so far I have learned how to control myself and how to accept the present, not the past. My trauma coach always gives an explanation for my questions and that helps to educate and understand myself. When I had a severe mental breakdown, I was so confused and in a vulnerable position that I didn't know what was going on. Now at least I know my problems even though I don't have all the proper solutions.
How I have come so far and got a little bit better from such psychological issues? The short answer is tons of medications and therapies. I was very open to my therapies and still, I am no matter how much guilt, and shame I carry. First I learned to trust them and trust me, that's one of the hard parts. Depression is a killer and it eats an individual every moment, every single day. I don't know how I have come this far, almost 1.4 years of therapy and medications but I did it. I still have a few issues, a few detailed traumas, and dark thoughts and illusions but I have help. I actually ask for help always before doing anything wrong. I am still weak, walking on the edge of the mountains but at least I know where I am and where I need to go.
Anyway, I am going to write an interesting part of my EMDR. My EMDR therapist always takes the necessary steps to keep me calm and controlled because due to my mental issue, there is a chance I stuck in the past forever. So, during the last session, while doing EMDR, she suddenly asked me who is my favorite singer. I was in deep memory lane so all of a sudden when I heard what she was asking, I was surprised. I asked her why she did that, and she smiled and said I wanted to bring you back to reality. Another time, she suddenly played my favourite singer's music but I didn't recognize first due to my thoughts. I find it funny knowing that this was part of my treatment. I love music and she felt that music might be one of the ways to break my thoughts and bring me back to reality completely. It's like breaking an old chain...
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Nights are long, intrusive, and imaginary thoughts often arrive, my anxiety, emotions, and depression become intense and my surroundings become dark and take me to the past but I endure rather than be scared. I wait for the morning, for the light, I pass nightmares and fail to convert them into something pleasant yet I am fighting for recovery. Because all these whispers that are in my head will be silent one day, yes one day...
Love
Priyan...
I am @priyanarc.... An architect, a dreamer, and a passionate writer who loves to write about life. I try to present my own perspective and experiences. Please leave your feedback and criticism because it's the only way I can know and reach your mind and thoughts easily...
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That's what I wanted to read! This says you're on the right track. It's a long road, but totally worth it. When you're doubtful, look back and see how far you've come! And that's all your work with the help of specialists! I'm proud of you! ❤️
Yes, I sometimes read the posts from that phase and I think about it. Actually, a year and a half seems a long time but also I looked into my recovery process and it's worth it. I feel proud of myself instead of feeling ashamed that I asked for help timely and decided to take the treatment process. I also wanna thank you for being such a beautiful soul and a great friend and for all those encouraging words.
The journey is long and tiring but I hope I will be able to continue so that I can finally move forward... I hope you are having a lovely weekend dear @erikah...
You're most welcome dear! I'm happy to help anyway I can 🤗
🤗🤗
One day at a time, dear. You’re doing an extraordinary work, I’m glad you continue improving. I hope that whispers will silence soon. Love and hugs. ❤️
I am trying and encouraging myself every day to go and attend the therapies even though I feel tired. Sometimes I feel like this process never gonna end and I will never gonna be better but when I see the improvements, I feel proud of myself. I don't feel ashamed anymore and I am learning to accept my guilt, thoughts, and past...
Thank you for your beautiful words and for being so supportive... Take Care...
Accepting and going ahead with high forehead. You deserve every good thing that comes to you, never forget that. I am proud of you, dear. ❤️
Yes! One Day. While reading, I couldn't help the memories that struck me of what I felt throughout last year.
Being sick and going through therapy isn't easy. It is tough, but the moment we ask for help and accept the help given, it helps take one out of depression that may occur.
Music is magical, and it heals us more than we know. I have found myself listening to Enya's song recently, and it has been helping with my mind. Calming things and serving as a remainder that things will get right on track again.
Thanks for sharing this.
It took me a lot of courage to do that because the culture from where I belong considers mental health as taboo and people never take psychological issues seriously. I was suffering and had a severe mental breakdown and blackout and that's when I knew I needed help. Still, now I have a few issues but I am learning how to deal with those...
I heard about Enya but never listened to her song. Gonna listen to it tomorrow. I developed a very specific taste of music and I mostly like Russian music even though I don't understand half of their song 🤣. I am a fan of Weekend, Dream Theatre, and Eminem so you can guess, where my anxiety level goes... 🤣
Wow, this is exactly African style. Here, too, things like going for therapy are unheard of. They believe you face whatever you are going through... and so much more. I wished I had therapy sessions with the sickness that took hold of me for months. But, there's nothing like that here.
However, I am glad you are you took this route to tale care of what you are facing. It was a bravest and a wise thing to do.
Oh, you should, and I'd love to hear your feedback. That's it about music, you don't need to understand what's said to enjoy it. I love Eminen, too... super crazy with his raps. Heheh.
Exactly... I think it's cultural and that's why I had difficulties at first seeing therapists.
I am so sorry you had to go through this phase, it's a very difficult phase and like yours, unfortunately in my homeland, there is nothing called a therapist...
I am just listening Orinoco flow by Enya recommended by @ellenripley while writing this comment. Her music is actually soothing. Well, Eminem is something, I am a fan of his mocking bird and stan...
Yes, it sure is. I understand, I am glad you passed that.
Thank you. I am healing from the stress it gave me mentally, financially, physically, and emotionally. I am trying to be okay with them all.
Wow, that's sweet. I love that, and there is music of hers you'd find yourself loving more as you dive more into her music world. Thanks to Ellen for recommending that, and there's another one titled, "Only time."
Haha, mocking bird it is! My fiance is crazy about this too😂. I also stan and re-stan with Slimshady. Hehe. I love his songs...gosh! I am glad to talk to you about lots of things.
I am glad, if you wanna talk, we can connect privately... It would be nice to know you more...
Oh, that will be nice. Same here as well 😊.
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCNIlkuT0DYEc8aFbv3YcvdQ
Official channel for Enya in #Youtube
Thanks my friend, I found it...
Well done! You've hung in there and reading your post I feel as though there is some positivity there. You seem to be managing things better. I know there is a way to go but you are getting there.
Yes, I can strongly say that I am able to manage things way better than before despite the side effects of medications. I have health issues but doctors assured me that eventually, this phase will pass. Let's see...
You've done extremely well!
I see someone has mentioned Enya. Lovely music. Her most well known song over here is 'Orinoco Flow'. Don't expect her to sound like Eminem though, as you might be disappointed!
Seems like Enya is popular, I am gonna listen to Orinoco flow.
No No 🤣. Hahahahaha
Phew!
This broke my heart to read because this doesn't sound fun at all but you are doing the right thing by staying strong and committed to progress and getting to the root of the problem. It's not about perfection but progression, one step at a time. Working on managing it will become easier with time and as you find the proper tools for yourself. Doing the little simple things you enjoy for yourself helps too aka self care. Mud mask, go for a nature walk, find dumb things in your house to make a photo art in your pj's ... possibilities are endless.
I don't follow all the claims they tag to their titles but I do put some noise cancelling headphones and close my eyes to nap an hour to this sort of music/sound when I feel anxious, it helps calm down the nervous system and relax the body...maybe that can help with migraines too since they can stem from too much tension in the body/aggravated nervous system for too long.
They are not miracle cures but soothing and helpful for relaxation. Keep doing your best and I wish you the healing you need. xox
I have been listening few specific sounds like waterfall sound, deep forest walking relaxing music, oriental relaxing music, and so on. They help a lot in my recovery but sometimes I face difficult times as well. Walking helps a lot and I love walking. I always have to push myself when my depression and anxiety just take over my body. Sometimes I understand, sometimes I don't. Mostly in the middle of the night, I face a hard time because I can't sleep even though I take medications. Thank you for these music recommendations, I put them on my list now...
Thank you so much for such positive words; it helps a lot...
This is such a beautiful relief to read. I worry about you, but I also know you are strong and I trust that strength.
Recently I used clicker training to teach Pilot how to wake me up during a nightmare. He does the "trick" really well, lol. I lay down and thrash and moan and he gleefully launches himself onto my stomach to get the treat. I don't know yet if I actually trained him to wake me during a real nightmare because I haven't had the thrash-and-moan kind in a while, but the idea is comforting. Mostly it's just cute and roller-coaster fun anticipating him jumping on me when I fake the nightmare. I think in real life he's like, dude, I'm trying to sleep here!
I was thinking of writing to you but often forgot, I don't know why. I keep forgetting many things because I always feel tired.
Pilot is such a sweet boy and I guess he is very close to you. Gigi is also comforting but if she does this on me, I might die 🤣. She sometimes lies down on my chest and I feel like I am dying. Joke aside, how you have trained Pilot such a special trick? It's actually a cute thing and I hope you will send me the video... I wanna see the trick... 😁
I'll have to figure out how to record it!
Those single steps are adding up, lady :-)
But come on, who is your favourite singer and song? Maybe we can all have a listen and send you some positivity boosts!
Hope you had the best weekend you could. Summer is just around the corner. I look into my crystal ball and see light nights, sunshine and travel beckoning you :-)
Always. My best wishes ❤️
My list is huge and depends on my mood. I mostly listen weekend, eminem, alan walker, charlie puth, imagine dragon and modern talking. I have some special favorites for example : take me to church by hozier, here comes the rain again by hypnogaja, arcade by duncan laurence, the feels by labyrinth, some russian and bengali music and the list goes on...
I am eagerly waiting for the summer, hopefully will go to see a few cities...
That's crazy eclectic tastes! You should post on #threetunetuesday !
🤣 I sometimes become crazy when I listen right tune and instantly party mood starts... 🤣My music taste is crazy... I will check the tag 😁
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Thank you!!
Thanks for sharing your journey. Hope you'll find solance by sharing ur struggles. I'm trying to give voice to these struggles by creating a dedicated community for mental health and therapy.
It will be amazing if you create such a community, it will be helpful for many people who actually dealing with such a hard time. Many don't like to write about mental issue but it's helpful when someone write about their story...
Perfectumm
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